The sanity and the insanity

So  its 2am, i cant sleep,  everything  I think about happens to be lies of crap thats  happened and gone wrong but  what makes it a lie, is thinking somehow it would work out and go good...

Yeah life is full of shit, or  I'm just unlucky,  especially with Cell phones, 1 i drop and crack the screen, second one's screen went  out on its own and  refused to  ring, and finally the 3rd one  2 days ago decided to go  white...  WTF? and then black, and  I can dial  out,  call and hang up, but i cant adjust volume or barely get  the speaker going.

I need sleep.

man i dont even know where to begin with this one, its been forever since i have even looked at livejournal, until two friends no joke brought it up not even a week from each other, so i decided to peek on, and damn....


im thinking of seriously going back and reading through alot of the bullshit i wrote... who knows. maybe find something interesting about that thing called teenage angst?

Sometimes I think I'm trying to push myself harder than I can handle, and end up falling back and realizing it was a fucked up thing to do, or wasnt even worth doing. Right now thats what I face with school. one of those Why did I try. Why cant I even get over this stupid hill that I'm stuck on. Then I realize its because I do want something better, but I'm over stressed. I cant even think on how to fix things, I just simply dont even want to look at them. I chose to do College online, thinking wow, I could easily get ahead, and get myself going faster, and keep my workhours up.

Sadly...

Its all fucking bullshit. Treated like shit at work, and yet come home and I want nothing to do with anything else. Kinda feeling like the old days, where you just want to scream out "FUCK YOU!" and rebel shaking your fist and running away.

Running is always a good answer... hell thats all i think i've ever done, run away from my problems, then turn around get pissed at them again and kick it.


......

some 35yr old guy from sac is finding me absolutly funny on Yahoo... eh?

1. What color are your kitchen plates?
Black and white

2. What book are you reading now?
Memoirs of a Geisha

3. What is on your mouse pad?
Ummm the cat ate it?

4. Favorite board game?
Sorry

5. Least favorite smells?
Eggs

6. What is the first thing you think of in the morning?
God Damn it!

7. Favorite color?
Lime Green, Black Orange Blood Red

8. Least favorite color?
White

9. How many rings until you answer the phone?
If i can find the phone

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME:
I dont know, I'll name it when it comes out, other than that its shithead.

11. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate

12. Do you like to drive fast?
Hell yeah(if i could drive)


13. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Yes, along w/ a snoring ox and a stupid cat

14. Do you like thunderstorms?
yes!

15. What was your first car?
It was suppose to be a Honda Accord '92 but my uncle totaled it v.v

16. What is your sign?
Gemini

17. Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
Yup mmmm best part

18. If you could have any job what would it be?
Voice actor, Writer, or Cartoonist

19. If you could have any color hair what would it be?
that purple red color.

20. Is the glass half full or half empty?
I cant tell it keeps emptying and refilling itself.

21. What is your favorite movie?
The Lion King

22. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?
not fullly but sometimes

23. What’s under your bed?
the floor

24. What is your favorite number?
98

25. Favorite sports to watch?
I'd rather play

26. Your single biggest intense pain?
My knee locking up >.0

27. Person most likely to respond?
No one probably v.v

28. Person you sent this to who is least likely to respond?
No one and I'm to lazy to send it.

29. Ketchup or mustard?
Both

31. Hamburger or hot dog?
Hamburger but its gotta have the works

32. Favorite season
none

33. The best place you have ever been?
Hawaii

34. What is your screen saver?
I have none

35. What is your favorite fast food place?
use to be Jamba Juice. (but their is none here where i live -sobs-)

36. What is your favorite breed of Dog?
Border Collie

37. Your nicknames?
Psyche, Nyx, Bullshit, Black Widow, Angy-Pangy, Ang. Psyrad (too many)

38. Have you ever been kissed by the opposite gender?
hehe yeah

39. What annoys you the most?
Itchy Buttcracks

40. What’s your crushes name?
Hehe Shawn

41. What’s your best friend’s name?
Shawn, Rochelle Morgi Ron Jordie, Tiffee Sandy Amanda Paris

42. Which celebrity annoys you the most?
Micheal Jackson

43. What type of music do you dislike the most?
Country

45. What is currently on your wrist?
Ketchup... or sauce of some sort sucks working fast food.

46. Okay, If you and one other person could be alone on the entire planet, who would you choose?
Shawn

47. What would you do if you had 24 hours to live?
Fuck my brains out, steal a Lamborghini and joy ride, get into a high speed chase, and so forth.

48. If you were a character in the View Askewniverse, who would you be?
What the fuck is that?

49. If you could be any kind of nut, what would you be?
I hate nuts!

50. Who would you vote for TOTAL DICTATORSHIP?
Me so i could get someone to finally kiss my ass

51. Do you want Adult Swim to bring Case Closed back?
no

52. Do you think that the "pink is pimp" is just a fad?
Damn those fucking Fad's

53. If you could have some sort of super-natural power, what would it be?
Teleconisis crap. so i could fuck with people's heads.

54. Have you ever read/written a webcomic?
Yeah, still working on one that will prolly never get finished.

55. What's your favorite art-related computer program?
Dont know yet, trying to get use to Photoshop CS2 and get over Paintshop pro X

56. If you could be a bug, what bug would you be?
Spider

57. About schoolwork...are you the last minute kind of person, working right up till 4am to get an assignment done, or are you the good little student who starts it the day you get it?
HeHe.... Last minute... somehow half the time always like within the last 10 minutes before its due. God i love online college.


and on a good note, finally in our appartment, internet works and we got our futon YAy but no matress for it.

i dunno i guess i can say it sucked ass tonight, for two major er 3 reasons

1. couldnt spend it with shawn,
2. was forced to work
and.....
3. If people who didnt come through drive throu werent drunk or high already, they were complete assholes who really needed to just fuck off and die.

thats about it, Happy New year!
Im going to bed.

I hate being upset....
And i hate being frustrated on top of it. I dunno, its one of those nights where i just feel like im having doubts about everything. Part of it, i feel like i am seriously a fucking black cloud, I know their are people worst off than me, but i feel like im bringing bad luck to others. The whole mess with shawn and his family, and how we were threatened to be killed by his psycho step mom, and had to jump out our bedroom window, i feel like its my fault, if I had never come to Yakima, none of it would have happened, If i had just gotten a life and realized that you know, there really isnt much out there but shit piles, that we somehow get lodged in, I feel like im just making things harder than they really need to be. Maybe things would have been better for him. Now were trying to save up money, and everything, but getting nowhere, God I want to cry, Im that fucking frustrated with everything, on top of it all, I'm homesick, I hate Sacramento with a passion, but i miss all my friends more than anything. It feels wierd, going months without seeing them, nor do i really hear from them much anymore, If i want to talk to them, i have to call, =/ and im lucky if i get ahold of them, or if i leave a message, if they actualy call back. Oh well maybe its not important anymore....
God i really dont want to start crying... Im angy, im not suppose to cry.

I love being with shawn, but i almost feel like its not the same for him. Maybe things would be better if we had our own place but it fucking sucks because everyone is being dicks about not having any fucking credit.

JUST FUCKING A
one of those i wish i was dead momments, tired of being upset frustrated and pissed off all at the same time, maybe one day my brain will finally blow up from all this crap -chuckles lightly and shrugs- fuck if i know anymore.

these are my confessions!

[] I'm afraid of silence.

[x] I am really ticklish.

[] I'm afraid of the dark.

[ ] I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night.

[] I am homosexual.

[x] I believe in true love.

[x] I've run away from home.

[] I listen to political music

[x] I collect comic books ... (if Manga's count)

[x] I shut others out when I'm sad.

[x] I've stayed out all night

[x] I open up to others easily

[] I am keeping a secret from the world.

[] I watch the news...... everyday

[] I own over 5 rap CDs

[x] I love Disney movies.

[x] I am a sucker for eyes

[] I don't kill bugs I'm too scared

[x] I curse when I'm mad..

[] I have (had) "x"s in my screen name.

[x] I've slipped and fell in public

[]I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.

[] I love Spam.

[x] I bake well

[x] I have worn pajamas to class.

[] I have bought something from Abercrombie.

[x] I have a job

[x]I Talked on a phone for 5+ hours.

[ ] I love Dr. Phil

[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS

[] I am self-conscious

[x] I love to laugh.

[x] I have tried alcohol.

[ ] I drink (drank) alcohol on a regular basis.

[] I have tried a cigarette.

[ ] I have smoked a pack in one day.

[ ] I loved Lord of the Flies.

[ ] I loved A Clockwork Orange.

[] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.

[x] I can't swallow pills.

[x] I have a lot of scars.

[] I have fired a gun.

[] I have owned a gun.

[] I've been out of this country.

[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room

[x] i love chocolate

[X] i bite my nails

[x] I am not comfortable with being me.

[] I play computer games

[x] Gotten lost in the city.

[x] I've seen a shooting star

[x] Had a surgery

[] Researched how to make bombs or other unstable chemicals

[] Created your own bombs or unstable chemicals

[] Used your own bombs or unstable chemicals

[x] Gone out in public in your pajamas.

[] Have kissed a stranger.

[x] Hugged a stranger.

[x] Been in a fist fight with someone of the same sex.

[x] Been in a fist fight.

[] Been arrested.

[] Been excited by violence

[x] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of your nose.

[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator

[] Made out in an elevator.

[] Made out on the road.

[x] Swore at your parents

[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose.

[] Stolen something worth over $10

[] Stolen something worth over $100

[] Stolen something worth over $1000

[] Stolen something worth over $10000

[] Been skydiving

[x] Been bungee jumping.

[] Gotten stitches

[] Been excited by something sociologically intolerable

[] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour

[x] Bitten someone

[] Been to Niagara Falls.

[X] Gotten the chicken pox.

[] Crashed a car.

[] Been to Japan

[x] Seen or heard something that wasn't really there.

[x] Ridden in a taxi.

[x] Shoplifted.

[] Been fired

[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.

[x] Had your heart broken by someone that shouldnt have been in your heart in the first place

[x] Stole something from your job

[] Gone on a blind date

[] Had a crush on a teacher/coach...

[ ] Cheated on a partner

[] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans

[] Been to Europe.

[x] Broken into a building

[]Slept with a co-worker.

[] Been married.

[] Gotten divorced.

[]been suspicious of being cheated on

[] Helped someone to cheat on their significant other

[x] Saw someone/something dying

[] Stolen a car

[x] Driven over 400 miles in one day.

[] Been to Canada

[x] Been on a plane.

[]Thrown up in a bar.

[] Eaten sushi

[x]Been cheated on

[] Been snowboarding.

[] been skiing skiing

[x] Been ice skating

[x] Cried in public

[x] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed.

[x] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have

[x] Thought of someone almost 24/7

[x] Loved some one and hated them at the same time

[x] Wanted someone else dead

[x] Thought seriously about killing someone

[x] Thought seriously about killing yourself

[x] Hated the world for some reason

[x] Hate not the world, but rather the stupid people who populate it.

[] Have faith in a God.

[] Have faith in yourself.

[] Believe there is still hope of saving a failing relationship

[x] Have told someone you love them too soon.

Right now im just glad to have my clothes back, along with my school stuff and computer, man to have to jump out your window just to save your ass from a drunk sucks, but everything is good now, all thats left is a few of our books and a couple of my glass items, other than that i feel good.

I know its turkey day, but today I feel so odd, and different. I cant even explain how i feel, other than just wanting to either scream or simply fade away, I'm thankful I have Shawn, but other than that, fuck it. I seriously cant wait till we get our own place, I'm just ready to hit rock bottom, I want to relapse on shit that I am forcing myself out of, and have been good about for over a year now. But its just killing me deeply, living with a drunk, where one minute she's nice, the next she screams and rants, meh, hehe shawns scratching my head and it feels goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood....


but i seriously just want to scream. =/ it sucks, it really fucking sucks! I havent been her target for a couple days now, but i know that will probably change rapidly. since somehow we are all lazy fucks, compared to her which i swear can only function unless she has about 8 beers in her.

x if we have
/ if you would
~ if you wouldnt

[ ] hang out with me
[ ] go see a movie with me
[ ] make a move on me during that movie
[ ] hug me
[ ] hug me a lot
[ ] kiss me
[ ] use your tongue
[ ] dance with me
[ ] let me put my hand on your butt
[ ] put YOUR hand on MY butt
[ ] be alone in a room with me
[ ] go on a date with me
[ ] go to dinner with me
[ ] pay for it
[ ] get me drunk
[ ] take me to your place
[ ] sleep with me
[ ] cuddle with me
[ ] sing in a car with me
[ ] grind with me
[ ] play strip poker with me
[ ] caress me
[ ] date me
[ ] ask me out
[ ] let me kiss you
[ ] get me a B-day gift
[ ] let me borrow your car
[ ] be my bbf or gf/bf
[ ] have a fling with me
[ ] be there for me
[ ] buy me a drink
[ ] bring me around your friends
[ ] give me a massage
[ ] take me to the club
[ ] love me
[ ] hang out with me more the 2 times a week
[ ] miss me
[ ] enjoy being with me
[ ] re-post this for me to answer your questions

god i'm sick of this shit, continueing from my last post but worst now. I just basically want to say.... Angie, if you want to kill me so bad, then do it, because i will make sure you wont rest after it.

=/

Hell it might be amusing, that or i will kill her myself, plead guilty due to insanity, and yeah... bye bye life....

Sometimes i swear im wondering where the fuck is my life going? Yeah im trying to get my ass through school just so i can get a job that i wont be flipping burgers for the rest of my life. along with just trying to be financially stable, not having to worry about when my next meal is... Then i question how the hell my living situations always seem to have one really fucking gay cork to it..... (and i wish i ment the actual flaming gay man type gay) I'm refering to someone being out of there mind, and its not me for once, hell... i'm starting to believe i have some sanity, and am sorta.... normal? er.... mellow...

Right now brad just asked Angie (not me, other one) to leave, so all hell is breaking lose here, (loves having a lock on her door)

anywho, grandparents werent that great, still arent, hell they still wont sign a damn paper for me to get financial aid.
When i moved out with amanda, things were good at first, then war broke out between me and amanda, and then amanda and me were friends again, and then emily was the psycho one. =/
Now its just living with a drunk who wants to fuck everyone over, which who knows if she's actually leaving or not, which now she's threatening to kill him -sighs- what else is new? I hate tonight, I seriously cant focus, I've been trying to write a paper all god damn day, but all i've heard is two drunk hen's cackle on about how there going to clean this house, but they need to finish breakfast (beer) first before going.... which turns into about 5-6 of them, then they deside that they're going to go, but then its now time to pick harley up.... and they never went.... nice buisness, they arrive here an hour late, and never get to work.
Then brad's just pissed off cause someone's here. and wont come home
then when he does its been arguements ever since.

x.x

someone shoot me.

If i havent stated previously, my uncle came up for the weekend, and since there is jack shit to do in Yakima, we decided to go to Seatle, since i've never been there, and omg!!!
I LOVE SEATTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didnt want to leave, for once ever since i have arrived in washington, i havent really felt like i was home, but maybe something about Seattle reminded me of San Francisco, and i finally felt home, it was awesome! i dont know what it was, it was..... City life or something.... omg it was beautiful, and honnestly i cant wait till i can go back, if there was anything i could do to stay there i would have.

So anyways My uncle, shawn and i went through pike street market, which though there was alot of sea food stalls and stuff, it was pretty fun to watch them, tossing crab around that was BIGGER THAN MY HEAD!!!!!! and along the warf, it was rainy all day, but not bad at all. it would get heavier then really light and so forth, then we went up to the space needle. which was sooooo WIERD i dunno, it was cool being up that high but i dont know it was really cool. except $13 just to go up an elevator walk around a min or two then back down was a lil pricy but worth it just for the experience. Called my brother rav while on top which felt bad cause we couldnt meet up with him, due to weather being bad and it was already getting fairly late and we wanted to make it though the pass before dark.... which we didnt. lol.

we were going to grab a bite to eat at first and omg i wish we stopped
I SAW A JAMBA JUICE!!!!!!!!!!
man i miss my old job. v.v
but oh well...

going home through the pass was crazy, and i swear took forever.
for one the snow came flying in as we took off, and the worst part was it was snow and rain combined, so pretty much slush sticking to the window.
At points we couldnt go any faster than 15mph which felt like we werent even moving, or that we were going light speed as if in star wars, but only at a realllllllllllly slow speed. lol xD

it was like that all the way from the snoqualamy (i know i didnt spell it right) all the way to pretty much the end of ellensburg. and almost through to selah. (well somewhere in that area between those two towns.

but now im off of a writers block so me ish gonna go write some

i dunno whats worst....

trying not to gag over how gross thereflu is....
or
the fact taht i cant seem to get much of it in my mouth and more than half on my lap.

maybe i have a chance of absorbing it? lol i dunno but i hate being sick.

Right now im finding it kinda hard to believe, that today it has been one whole year for me and shawn, actually sometime between last night and today everything started -rubs back of head while grinning- but niether of us can remember so we just say it happened around 1am on the first, so it works out. And to think everything came down to it when it came to just explaining tootsie rolls being thrown down my shirt on halloween night last year. XD
that was a funny night, so our plans are to go out to dinner, and a nice thing is that my stupid DSL modem finally fucken came in today so yay! otherwise....
<.<
>.>

Anywho, me ish very very happeh today besides not feeling the best, been feverish past couple days, catching a cold ewwww and a fucken canker(sp?) sore thats right where my bottom lip and gums meet owwie which makes it hard to talk or eat, without it hurting, but yeah i dunno what to say anymore

Reporter Angy: So Angy... how has life been?
Angy: hate it
Reporter Angy: And why is that? i heard you were finnally back in school.
Angy: yeah thats just a bonus to the situation.
Reporter Angy: so whats the rest of it?
Angy: works a bitch, a few days with out sleep, trying to get the DSL line in, trying to get the last of the school stuff i need to do before this weekend done! so that way i can pay for shcool, and i want to say $0 on my fafsa due to my parents smokin and beating each other all day aka dead. but i know they will force me to use my grandparents which really want nothing to do with it
Reporter Angy: and why do you say that?
Angy: afraid of paying a dime i suppose?
Reporter Angy: that sucks
Angy: tell me about it
Reporter Angy: so how are you planning to deal with it?
Angy: blow another fucking hole in there ass just to prove that i am a major pain and that they should be thankful im not a pot smoking moron who just wants to fuck and make babies that will some day eat their brains
Reporter Angy: Allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllrighy then.............


I need a life

oye..... need mental break, and to find a cure for gas so i dont kill myself off w/ my own brand.... plus the urge to pee doesnt help either

things on my mind right now.....
1. how can 15 yr old boys cry worst than a 5yr old girl?
2. how can they say its not there fault for their own grades? shit its there own work.
3. gas go away!
4. school ish gay. sorta.
5. i dont want to smell another fucking whopper again!
6. god damn im horny..... still!!!!!

-slaps self for the last one-

i dunno what to do with myself right now
fastweb is starting to piss me off

wow thats scary just on the fact of

"As a duck, you may seem friendly at times but will not hesitate to bite if someone is bothering you."

sometimes i sit and wonder.....

god damn i hate myself

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
-deep breath-
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-plops over onto the ground with a random spasm here and there-
cookie.... tooo much
suuuuuugar x.x

oye....
yes i'm online for once.... brian hasnt even come home yet, so i was on here for a quick second needed to update this in a long time, but shawn and me are working on getting a dsl line to hide from faggot brian, and all that good crap, plus i hope to be updating my DA soon, new sketches YAY! (i have had way too much free time on my hands for the past month i swear.) so yeah, today i decided to clean our room (icky) and bought a brand new beta fishie but thats about all of my excitement... sooo much fun i know, i could just shit myself from it....

tooo much sugar!!!!

-runs off being a dumbass-